Foot Longs
Why is it a 5k anyway? Didn’t the communists try that back in 1975? Converting us to the metric system? Last time i checked, i still waste gas by the miles per gallon. If i beat my wife, i do it within inches of her life, not centimeters. So why does it all suddenly change when you’re running down the road? Isn’t it enough that you’re disrupting traffic? Isn’t it enough that you’ve burdened tens of people with setting up countless cones, barricades, and water stands? Do you really have to drudge up bad history and relive the metric conversion all over again?
Was it just that marathons were the weakest link? The one thing metric communists could take over? Was that their foothold? Perhaps they thought each marathon runner would then go on to observe the kilometers? Maybe they thought it would sow the seed that would blossom into a standard measurement-choking ivy plant?
If you love America, foot long hot dogs, Subway sandwiches, or inchworms, do your duty. Protect your country. Attend a 5k marathon and shout against the metric system. Throw rocks at the runners! Measure things using a yardstick! Do not let them take us! Do not submit! Do not go quietly into that good night!