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| THIS IS REALLY WHAT HAPPINESS LOOKS LIKE TO JARED |
So, I’m at Subway the other day, and I see big ol’ Jared up on the damn SIGN. The SIGN with pictures of sandwiches is HEADED by a big smiling picture of Jared, which is strange, of course, because when Jared smiles it looks more like a wince or like he’s trying to move something with his mind. And I got to thinking, like, aren’t we past this? We get it. Fat, not fat, used Subway. Can we get a new spokesmodel?
How much do we really care that this horse-gummed man lost some weight by eating vegetables on bread? I would much rather some strong, tan, attractive person lie to me that Subway’s Meatball Hoagie gives me the power of flight. Really? I’ll have three, man, just don’t make me look at Jared anymore.
Like, how long ago did this even happen? I think it’s time for us as a country to move on.